Angela Wellicome, Co-Owner/Founder
On Tuesday Oct. 11th, 2016, my husband and I went in for a dating ultrasound. It was a day we had both been impatiently awaiting since finding out that we were expecting our second child in early September. My husband arrived home early from work bursting with anticipation! We couldn't be more excited to hear our baby's heart beat for the first time, together.
The doctor came in to express her condolences, "We weren't able to detect a heartbeat, I'm so sorry." The doctor left and I melted into my husband's arms. We sobbed together for what felt like an eternity before gathering ourselves and heading home. Our first pregnancy was pretty textbook, and we felt so unprepared to deal with the days that would follow...
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People share their birth stories, but not when they involve a miscarriage, even though #1in4 women have gotten through one or more. . I didn't know what to expect. This is my story. . After finding out at 11 weeks that our baby only measured 9 & there was no heartbeat, we were given two options. It was likely that since my body had not recognized the loss, I would not naturally expel the products of conception. I could medically induce labor or they could perform a D&C. It was explained to me that misoprostol held less risk, was done at home, but was unpleasant & painful, both physically & mentally. A D&C is done in a medical environment under general anaesthetic with little to no pain- but with increased risks, such as those associated with anesthesia. . I opted for a D&C. . I wanted to be in the hands of a specialist, in a medical environment, to know that when I came out of the hospital I would have some closure & could begin healing. The procedure was relatively painless for me, as were the days to follow. I was happy to be on the road to recovery & nearing the days we could TTC again. . Until day 9 post opp, when the complications began & on day 10 post opp when my blood pressure had dropped & I had lost a lot of blood. I found myself back in the ER, where I would spend the next 36 hrs pacing these hallways waiting for answers. . Multiple exams revealed retained tissue, enough that a repeat D&C was in order. . I had later learned that a D&C is a blind operation. There is a 3% chance of retained tissue, but that in most cases it passes naturally following the procedure. This is also a possibility with misoprostol, a natural miscarriage & even after a repeat D&C. . The decision is a personal preference. There is no right or wrong choice. . Today I begin the healing process, again. Needing more time to heal physically is allowing me to take more time to heal emotionally. I think I needed more time. . As I prepared for home, the nurse came over & placed her hand on my knee. She gave me a big smile. She remembered me and said, "don't let this get you down. You're a healthy, strong women! It's not your fault. Keep your chin up, it will happen in due time." ❤
But in the darkness, there was light.
The people around me, my friends and family made all the difference.
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I cannot think of any words to express our heartfelt thanks for the condolence you all have extended towards us. We are really thankful and appreciate your support and love in this time of loss. For those of you who have shared in this grief, I am extremely proud of your sympathy! It gives me great strength ❤️ . Tonight, we lit this candle to honour our angel baby and all the babies gone before us #1in4 #waveoflight #breakthesilence #youwillnotbeforgotten
3 Ways my village helped me through a miscarriage
1. They let me know I wasn't alone
1 in 4 women will experience a miscarriage in their life. Speaking about our loss encourages others to open up and share their stories. Hearing about other women's experiences and triumphs brought me so much strength and reassurance. Even though those who had shared in this grief may have had a different experience, I found comfort in knowing that I wasn't alone and was extremely proud of their sympathy.
2. They granted me the time I needed to heal by offering to do the things I couldn't find the motivation to do myself
I'm not typically one to ask for help in my day to day life. But this, this was out of my control and so was all that had surrounded me. Learning to embrace the help that was so generously extended to us allowed for me to take the time I truly needed to process what had happened, to heal. Both physically and emotionally.
3. They listened
When a miscarriage occurs, society's attitude is to not talk about it, in fear that it's too upsetting. Although I hadn't had the opportunity to speak much about the conception, I felt an overwhelming urge to talk about our loss. Being encouraged to communicate my feelings, no matter what they were, helped me to maneuver through the grieving process. Grief is not an individual process with an allotted time, nor is it something to be rushed. I felt like my feelings were supported. I am forever grateful for the support we have received and continue to receive from our friends and family.
If you or someone you know has experienced a pregnancy loss make sure to get or give the support that is needed, even if it's not easy for you. Reach out to those closest to you. It's okay to ask for understanding and comfort as you work together through this difficult time.